Consumption Reports: CPK Crispy Thin Crust

If you’re like me, you’ve caught yourself trying to come up with new ideas to nourish your strapping handsome bridegroom.  If you know us well, you know that Charlie cooks (better) more than I do, so you won’t be surprised to know that when presented with the opportunity to cook dinner, I defaulted to picadillo? beef bourguignon? blinking like I Dream of Jeannie hoping real food will appear? a pizza from my grocer’s freezer.  Not just any pizza, a California Pizza Kitchen Crispy Thin Crust Spinach & Artichoke pizza (I’ve seen fatter Cuban crackers).  The website refers to the pizza as “thin and beautiful.”  Labeling something, “thin and beautiful,” despite its having more fat than a vending machine cinnamon sticky bun (I know those things well) explains everything that is wrong with our society, and this pizza is no exception.  “Thin and beautiful” is okay for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but just like a model in [insert magazine that doesn’t pay me to mention them] looks okay on the cover, in real life… SIMPLY STARVING.  Take a look at how the cardboard upon which the pizza sat was almost thicker than the food item itself.  How can any respectable woman feed this to her Brawny man?  And then what am I supposed to eat?  A frozen pie crust full of shame?

So whatever you do, don’t let the cheesy spinachy-ness fool you!  Don’t pay $7 thinking this pizza will do anything other than make you think, “gahhh, I’m still hungry.”  Unless you want to follow that up with a hot dog I threw in the microwave for 30 seconds.